I went to Ohio on a road trip this year to retreive my daughter a week ago. What an adventure that was for Alexander and I. If you will remember I have the rave party cockblocking dog!!!! And he did not dissapoint us on this trip. I swear the dog has a divinity in him.
Okay so we went to the jail in Jasper, Tennessee to visit a friend on Thursday night as we came back down to Florida we stayed at Lookout Mountain area. All day in the car on Weds. and Thurs i cannot figure out why Alex wont drop a deuce. Maybe the Mcdonalds food he had all week has constipated him? Dont know. Some days he poops four times. Well not Weds or Thurs because Alex had saved it for the most perfect moment and here’ s where the divinity comes in……
At the jail we have “video chat” and they never came to help us nor did they put my brother on to talk with us. We go to the car in the front parking lot to leave where Alex had been patiently (NOT) waiting and he dropped a deuce finally. In the car. So Jackie, my daughter goes to clean it while i am getting Siri directions in the driver seat. She puts the shit and towels all under the car, noticably big mess. I pull out and look back and was like WTF? Not only did Alex corrupt my daughter but he waited till the most perfect time to take a shit so we could leave it outside the sherriff’s department for them to clean up. Making the dog, divine. I laughed so hard I cried and if you know me i dont beleive in coincidence. (my son also calls us macedonians who need deported) because my brother and I are totally crazy. Now my daughter and dog have been corrupted. I am praying its not on video but silently hoping it is so they know the dog, my daughter and I totally disrespect their lying officers. That dirty Dawg did too and he’s perfectly an innocent creature. So Alex continued to be treated like a King the rest of the trip home. He is now safely dropping deuces outside the house in the front fenced area where he is supposed to. My daughter is not in trouble because it was such a perfectly humorous comedic moment I would rather congratulate her genius than punish her for littering. This is why my ex husband and Jackies father says you should all elect me as a judge. Because the stupid shit we do is at times the glory of the world. Healing with laughter is a divine trait given to the heyoke spirits who are allowed to humble anyone, including the sherriff by divine and god’s decree.
Its funny because a pentacostal preacher, ex drug addict was the only one who helped us with the video stuff and talked with us as southerners do, we are hospitable if nothing elses. We also dont hide crazy down here, we put it on the porch and give it a cocktail. Glad to be home. Anyway the holy spirit was moving and apparently can enter the dogs.
I am glad to report we had a safe trip. However I do have to add if you stay at Lookout Mountain in Georgia or Tennesee, spring for the Hilton because apparently three star hotels are no breakfast, dollar store hole burned sheets, and needles on the ground. Not exaggerating. Avoid the Clarion whose rate is 69.99 until you go inside and they rape your wallet with the 20 per night bed tax and the 20 per night pet charge. I would call instead of using expedia who hides these fees in the very tiny print. Dogs are also more welcome down south than up north. Ohio was the worst if you want to bring a dog alone. Speedway wont even allow you to go in with a dog for a fucking pop.
The photos show Alexander dressed as Freddy Kreuger in his costume. No he does not like getting dressed up. Especially the hats, but take note of the glove. With little knives, how can you resist?